...Answering life's difficult questions.
Q: We've been together for sixteen years and we don't talk to each other anymore. I'm worried that we might break up. What can I do?
A: It is not unusual when we have been together for many years to feel as though we have run out of things to say. But good communication in any relationship is so important; without it we can quickly fall into the trap of misunderstanding and making assumptions that may or may not be true. If we have been busy with work, or if we have been busy bringing up a family, we can feel that we have nothing in common anymore, especially if we have spent little time together as a couple.
I wonder what it was that brought you together in the first place and what it was that gave you mutual enjoyment; it is worth giving this some thought too. Shared interests or hobbies can bring us together and it is worth thinking how these things factor in your life and whether some changes might help in this area. In any event, it is important that these concerns are shared and discussed before they have the opportunity to spiral out of control. It's a good idea to attempt to make some time to sit down with your partner at a time when you are both relaxed and not distracted by things going on around you. Small changes are often all that it takes to get things back on track, but couple counselling may be helpful if you are struggling to find some common ground or if you are finding it difficult to be objective about your situation.